Six years ago, almost to the day I gave birth to a unspeakably beautiful baby boy. It was a bittersweet time as I had separated from his father in the first trimester of the pregnancy (fortunately those "happy" pregnancy hormones got me through). I attended birthing classes with my sister, feeling out of place in the room full of expectant couples, continued to wear my wedding ring and never told a soul at work about the breakup. It was a hard time.
Fast forward to six years later and I'm still on my own. I'm proud to say that we're both doing fine. There's been overseas travel, more or less secure employment, studies, a nice home but somehow I didn't picture myself still being alone. I feel a little sad that I've probably missed the boat to have a second child, although I am of course incredibly grateful for the one I have. I know I'm not actively "trying" to meet someone - meaning I don't go out of my way to date or socialise. My excuse is I'm too tired and too broke to organise babysitters and nights out, but to be honest I think I'm just too insecure and scared.
I've had to deal with a certain amount of bitterness toward my ex-husband and unfortunately my opinion of the male sex has been coloured by my own experience. Adding to this, I live in a town full of middle-aged teenagers who live to surf and don't appreciate life's responsibilities getting in the way. Being a single mum, my life seems to be at the other extreme - over-responsibility and a lack of fun.
I guess I'm hoping this blog might steer me in the right direction. Any advice is gratefully accepted.
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I thought the same thing. Though I wasn't married to my daughter's father, I've done it by myself from the beginning. I figured I would meet someone pretty easily but 10 years later, I'm still single. Everyone is always asking about my love life and can't seem to understand that I like being single. I just don't want to date. I don't enjoy it and would rather be home in my favorite place.
ReplyDeleteEverything happens for a reason at the right time. Just don't make the mistake I made and wait for the next thing to happen. Life in the now and everything will fall into place.
I visited this blog last year..and thought..,Hmm, I am technically and legally married, have a husband who lives with me and our little girl, so how come I can so completely relate to these posts of solo mums! Then I realised, I have actually been a 'solo mum" and a "solo wife"( just coined that term!) for the last six years.
ReplyDeleteMarried to one of the most self centered, selfish and indifferent of men under the sun, I have been holding down a full time job, raising my beautiful little girl who has a medical condition and doing it all alone all along.
For the last one week, I have been a solo mum for real. Hubby decided to have an affair I found out and decided to show him the door. Yes, going through legal issues, custodies etc.
BUT I am SO RELIEVED to finally scream out and say, YES I am a solo mum. I have no family in this country and I will be raising my girl by myself and keep building my career.
To all the women out there who might be in the same boat, this is what I can say. Secure your own life and that of your child. Make yourselves financially, emotionally, socially secure. THEN date, meet a man by all means. BUT be very selective about who you will let into that beautiful, secure haven you have built for yourself and your kids. For me, I would date once I felt ready. But no man is entering into my life for real in a long, long time an even then he would have to be pretty special to break my safety net down.
I've been on my own with my daughter for what seems like forever, she's 6 this year. Been on and off with her dad, but now its for good, as I've discovered his other life with others! Even though that was the wake up call I needed, I'm still not that interested in men. Even thinking about a man, I find myself thinking- why would I need another child to look after? I know they are not all like that, but really once you have a child the focus has to be on them, and fulfilling your needs tends to become like a distance memory, at least for me it is right now!Even though I rejected my ex, I still feel like I want him around, but maybe that's just from being lonely.
ReplyDeleteNow I believe It will happen when I'm ready and I'm truly happy and at peace with my life. As right know I really wouldn't want to go out with me! I'm still pretty damaged by 6 years of lies and deceit, my faith in men is pretty low, I even looked twice at a chick at work whose gay!